August Rumble

[fosterchild]

Ok here's the deal....I started this at the beginning of the month and haven't had the time to really get into finishing it but I thought I had enough to actually post it anyway. Let me know what you think. I was thinking maybe I'd put it on ffnet and finish it in chapter there.....who knows?! lol

At least now I can go and read the other ones now!!!

RUNNIN' TO ME


“Where you been all weekend, Two-Bit?” Ponyboy asked me when I picked him up for school on Monday.

I smirked wickedly remembering and I shot him a sideways glance; “Well, Pony, it was like this…"

Friday night I decided to do my usual and play poker with some guys from town in Buck’s back room and have a few beers. I did pretty well that night winning about twice as much as I went in with.

When I had enough, I went out front and bought a round for the guys and myself, being a good sport and all and then figured I’d go out and see what was going on around town.

It wasn’t too late, maybe eleven. I sauntered out to my car hoping beyond hope that damn machine would start up and I wouldn’t have to go back inside and ask for a push start. That would go over real well and I know them schemers would figure out a way to bilk me outta some of my hard earned poker winnings.

So I’m on my way outside, lighting up a smoke and make it over to my car when I look up and see this girl sitting on my back bumper shaking a rock or something outta her shoe.

“Howdy;” I say and she looks up and smiles this smile that, I swear, made the whole parking lot light up. I damn near dropped my cigarette right outta my mouth.

“Howdy to you;” she replies still blowing my mind with that amazing smile.

“Is there something I can help you with? I don’t recall seein’ you around these parts before;” I go on trying to play it cool.

She pulls her shoe back on and looks up at me all sugar and honey; “Well, can I have one of those smokes?”

I pulled one out of my pack and lit it for her when she held it up to those magnificent lips and she thanked me.

Now let me tell you, this girl was a looker. She had long straight hair that was just the color of chocolate and these big brown eyes. She was a little thing wearing dungarees and this fluffy white shirt and this floppy hat. A HAT! I ain’t never seen a girl wear a hat so well before. She was one of those hippie lookin’ chicks.

So I say to her; “That’s my car you’re sittin’ on.”

She hops off the bumper and smiles at me again, melting my now barely beating heart and says; “You wanna go for a ride?”

“Yes, I do;” I tell her.

I let her into my car and luck was on my side that night because she started right up. “My name’s Two-Bit. What’s yours?”

“I’m Linda. I’m on my way to New Mexico from Atlanta.”

I nodded my head; “So that explains why I never seen you before.”

I saw her smile at me again out of the corner of my eye. Oh boy! It was rough to not think about kissin' her when she smiled like that.

"That explains it;" she replied.

I sighed and scratched my head, thinking. “New Mexico, huh?”

“Albuquerque.”

I did just win all that poker money and I had nothing else holding me back this weekend. “I guess we’re goin’ for a little road trip, then.”

[zickachik73]

Maddiecake - I loved it! I especially loved the comments he made to Pony. "Crusin' for a Bruisin" - it's been years since I've heard that and it was a great point to put in. The only thing thing I didn't understand was the comment about the zebra - Two-Bit had already said he could drive any car and had moved on to describing the Firetruck as a car, then there comes a "so could a zebra". Was it supposed to be a line up, maybe?

Fosterchild - Great Story. I loved the line about "hard earned poker winnings" and also like that he bought a round in the beginning -I think a lot of people imagine TB stealing everything. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S NEXT!!!! I hope you'll post the rest here too. A couple notes on grammar: 1) technically, since TB is speaking the whole time, all the paragraphs should be in quotes unless they're distinctively set apart. 2) at the end of quotations, there should be a comma (,) not a semicolon ( inside the closing quote. Beyond that, it was fantastic! And really, both of those are minor things - I'm just anal-retentive about grammar.


This is a really great rumble!

[fosterchild]

Thanks. I'm actually pretty anal about grammar myself and always thought it was a semi-colon when starting a sentence with the quotes and a comma when starting the sentence with a 'he said' situation. Example:

"Go away;" he said.
vs.
He said, "Go away."

Oddly enough, I was unsure if I should put the whole thing in quotes since it was him telling the story but I wasn't sure how that worked with the other dialogue. I could easily look things like that up but hey, I'm lazy! LOL

Either way, glad you liked it and I'll get moving on it again as soon as my extremely active social calendar slows down a little. Looks like sometime in early 2008!

[Maddiecake]

Thanks! I wasn't sure if that line was too corny or anything, so I'm really glad you liked it.

Actually, the fireman is referring to this:

“It has wheels an’ it can move if you stick a key in it, it’s a car.”

and when he says "so can a zebra", he's talking about the 'it can move if you stick a key in it'.

[zickachik73]

Foster - Yeah, the speaking thing is a little crazy. Since he's telling the story, all the paragraphs should begin with quotes (") and any speaking he's talking about in the story should be in a single quote ('). But since there is no one else speaking, there shouldn't be an ending quote at the end of the paragraph, just an opening quote at the beginning of the next until he's completely done telling the story or Pony interrupts.

Ok, I have a headache from trying to think of that now.

And dialogue: "Don't go there," he said.

It's a comma regardless of the placement of the actual dialogue, before or after.



Hooray for being an english major who's getting ready to start school and turning her brain on again?

Nah.

[fosterchild]

You know, I was just reading a book.....The Outsiders AGAIN! Go figure! lol I remembered what you said and looked at the dialogue and you're right. Not that I doubted you, I just needed proof. See, though? I'm frikkin lazy! ;D

[zevie]

Maddiecake: That was really cute! I wish I could drive a firetruck... I like the bouncing back and forth between Pony/Two-Bit and TB's story (lol, those are my initials, too...if the gang can put two and two together at all, Two-Bit's gotta have heard the "tuberculosis" jokes about a thousand times). Even Pony, as quiet as he is, must have a hard time keeping quiet through these long winded, exaggerated stories, lol.

FC - What the heck do you think you're doing, ending it there?! You march your butt right back to the keyboard and finish it. I'm glad you brought in an OFC. Girls are a fantastic reason for doing crazy stunts. Instead of quotes, could you put like a line of stars or something separating the little bit with Pony/Two-Bit and the part where Two-Bit just talks? (Open question, lol.) Like a scene change or something.

[fosterchild]

I'll finish it.....just you don't worry!

Good suggestions. Thanks!

[Tensleep]

Humm...it seems we have a two parter that has yet to be conculded. So the August Rumble is officially closed, but that second half can be posted at anytime.

Yes, I am aware how much you all love me...

[fosterchild]

love love love ;D