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Post by Keira on Sept 8, 2008 15:02:18 GMT -5
Tens - Thanks  Yours definitely feels like something I'd be interested in reading for sure. I love the way it opens with a lot of background story to be had, and yet it could move forward just as easily.
Ash - Sorry, I didn't see yours before. I like the dialog as an opener. That's how I usually start mine and then I go back in and try to add in things to make the dialog click -- so, GREAT way to start!
Cooroo's sis - I agree with Tens; another side to Darry is always intriguing.
Cooroo - Thank you! Haha, that was great  And so was your opener  Bad boys that talk... sounds like something I could get into!
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Post by murderofcrows on Sept 8, 2008 15:14:19 GMT -5
alright, here's mine:
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The embers of the cigarette flared as I took another drag, looking around. It was twilight, deepening into night, and I had no idea where I was going to end up by the next morning. Before, that might have concerned me, but now I simply welcomed it with open arms. I took one last drag before flicking the cigarette away. I listened to it fizzle out as it hit a puddle, and I pulled up the hood on my jacket and started walking. It was a cold night.
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ash
Teeny Bopper
Can't Teach Swagg
Posts: 133
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Post by ash on Sept 8, 2008 18:24:32 GMT -5
I thought your's was good, Murder. |
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Post by Nittanylizard on Sept 8, 2008 18:53:37 GMT -5
Ooh, I want to read them all . Ash - Nice dialogue exchange. Definitely has me wanting to read some more. Cooroo's sister - Sounds like a funny story! I love Darry. Great job getting the hook into one line. Cooroo - Again, I want to read more. Love the bad boys, lol. Tens - I always want to read more from you, hahah. Great beginning; I love when the story starts with action that makes me want to know more about what led up to the beginning. murderofcrows - Another great beginning! It's got me wondering what happened with the narrator that has him/her okay with not having a place to stay when "before", they would have been bothered by it. Nice description of the setting, too. |
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Post by murderofcrows on Sept 8, 2008 19:13:29 GMT -5
thanks, ash. so far, i've liked all of them, i want to read the whole fics!! murderofcrows - Another great beginning! It's got me wondering what happened with the narrator that has him/her okay with not having a place to stay when "before", they would have been bothered by it. Nice description of the setting, too. i actually didn't fully decide the gender of the narrator...originally it was a guy, but when i finished with it, i realized it was pretty neutral...i think i like it like that lol. |
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texaskid
Middle Classer
I'd put a pic here but I'm too lazy.
Posts: 59
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Post by texaskid on Sept 8, 2008 20:33:58 GMT -5
"Hey, look at me."
"Don't want to."
"Don't want to or can't?" I knew the only time she wouldn't look at me was when she was lyin' or worse hiding somethin' and man did I hate that.
Hope that intrigued some of y'all or at the very least made sense to y'all.
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Post by Keira on Sept 8, 2008 21:46:47 GMT -5
Texaskid: I can definitely see a myriad of lines that could follow that, and I like that about it. It could go in so many directions.
Murderofcrows: I like that it can be neutral - I thought it was a guy at first too, but then I thought about it, and it's pretty well neutral. I like the feel of loneliness too.
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Post by murderofcrows on Sept 8, 2008 23:36:47 GMT -5
thanks, keira...actually it's inspired a fic i wanna work on...
texas, i really like it. though it could be a lot of things, the first thing that came to mind is a sandy/soda fic when she tells him she's preggers.
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texaskid
Middle Classer
I'd put a pic here but I'm too lazy.
Posts: 59
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Post by texaskid on Sept 9, 2008 11:29:36 GMT -5
wow. that's an interesting theory there murder. The only thing I was thinking of was a brother/sister fic or a best friend fic but that has new potential I didn't even realize.
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Post by Keira on Sept 9, 2008 13:25:52 GMT -5
Same here. It really does sound like a Soda/Sandy thing, too, though. I reread that in a whole new light now, lol.
Can't wait to see the fic if you write it, Murder
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Post by murderofcrows on Sept 9, 2008 16:38:49 GMT -5
oh it's for sure now...i even got a title, now [thank you, journey] |
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ash
Teeny Bopper
Can't Teach Swagg
Posts: 133
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Post by ash on Sept 10, 2008 15:16:36 GMT -5
Wanted to add one more
The song "My Heart" belongs to Paramore the rest belongs to me
"I am finding out that maybe I was wrong
That I've fallen down and I can't do this alone"
I think I need something.Anything. My head feels like it's being crushed from the inside, my eyes hurt from crying so much, and I feel like my heart is about to give out. I thought everybody said that warm and funny feeling was supposed to feel good, it feels awful.
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Post by murderofcrows on Sept 11, 2008 19:31:29 GMT -5
oo, i like that, i wonder who you're talking about...or if it's someone in particular at all...
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ash
Teeny Bopper
Can't Teach Swagg
Posts: 133
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Post by ash on Sept 12, 2008 11:26:20 GMT -5
It's a character, but I'll tell you, she's a secret.  lol |
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Post by murderofcrows on Sept 12, 2008 12:29:06 GMT -5
ooooo...
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Yours definitely feels like something I'd be interested in reading for sure. I love the way it opens with a lot of background story to be had, and yet it could move forward just as easily.
And so was your opener 
Bad boys that talk... sounds like something I could get into!
lol