First and Third Person?

[queenjaneapprxmtly]

I'm writing an original novel right now -- three, actually, but I just say that because I like to brag about them, lol -- and for the very first one I started writing, I realized that, for the past few months or so, it's really been going nowhere. And reading over it (it's thirty-four chapters long as of now), there's a lot of it that just sounds so cliche and stupid. Now, granted, it's the first novel I've tried writing and I'm sure everybody gets stuck on the first one every now and then, but I wrote a little 'character sketch' type thing for it the other night and it kind of helped to move it along. I actually got an idea for a new plot -- not entirely new, but at least improved and a lot less cliche. Part of it was kind of inspired by an original story my friend Nora has been writing (and I told her so, I hope she's flattered, lol).

Anyway, last night I had another idea, and I thought it would work well, but I think I might need a second opinion. I'm sure it's been done before in the past but it might depend on the story for it to actually work well or not.

There's two characters who are really the main characters, Angela Bowen and Jack Fatello. It takes place during the Vietnam War; Jack is a young draftee from Chicago and Angela is the daughter of a well-known and respected Army colonel. By her father's rules she's not allowed to "date" other soldiers, but she does anyway when she meets Jack (obviously) when her family is living on an Army base. My new plot idea started out following the original plot but ended up veering off in a completely different direction -- she finds out she's pregnant after her father's batallion (including Jack) has shipped out for Vietnam (that was the original), and then soon after she packs up and runs away from home (this was where it started becoming different). She does keep in touch with Jack while she's 'on the run,' as it were, but she ends up getting herself involved in a lot of stateside events of the 60s, too, and when Jack returns from his tour in Nam he spends most of his time before going home trying to find her. I don't know what I'll do after that, but so far that's the basic new premise.

Now, my concern is, I was thinking about switching off POVs every chapter -- one in Angela's and one in Jack's. But, I wanted to do it this way -- Angela's chapter would be in first person, while Jack's would be in third. Do you think this would work out? Or would it be too confusing for the reader? And does it even make sense to write it this way, or should I just make both either in first or in third?

And I apologize for the extremely long post, lol. :)

[samanthamae]

Well first off, that seems like quite a storyline! Secondly, I can't tell you how many times I've written something, then realize half of the details aren't needed.

Anyways, good question. If I were to read a story that actually switches different POV's, even from first to third, I would be a little confused unless I had known about it a head of time. I think that made no sense at all

I think...that it would work out. Maybe you should write an author's note first, if you ever get it published. I don't know if anyone knows what I mean; I think I'm asleep right now. I mean, it would be confusing if I wasn't informed that one chapter is Angela's POV, the next is Jack's third person POV. If I knew, then it would be confusing at all.

Anyway, basic point, it should be able to work.

Good luck!

[latch22]

It could work... but I really think that you ought to stick with one POV.

Actually, for an interesting change, I think that it would be neat to have the story in Jack's POV (third person) as opposed to getting Angela's thoughts. I mean, you said that you were worried about the cliche, and I think that this would be a wonderful, unique switch. Not many romance novels are from the guy's perspective.

Of course, you should write whatever you're comfortable with, and whatever sounds most appealing to you, but, you know, just a suggestion...

Cheers!

[queenjaneapprxmtly]

Thanks a lot for the feedback. :)

And that's a really neat idea, about having the whole thing in Jack's POV. I would probably do it, but some of the events that happen with Angela kind of require her own chapter. Sorry, lol. It is a really great idea, though.

I was thinking, like for the beginning of the chapters and for whosever POV it's in, to just put their name at the top and then people would know whose chapter it was. I don't know if that would make the first/third POV thing less confusing, though. o.O

[Tensleep]

I like this idea, very original.

I think it can be pulled off. The contrast would be obvious and I doubt anyone would be confused. If you want a great example of this, Louis L'amour's Treasure Mountain had that format to it. One chapter would follow Orrin in third person and then Tell in first person. It made the story really interesting because you knew what was happening, but also what Tell's thoughts were.

Good luck with your writing!

See ya in the funny papers!!!

Tens

[queenjaneapprxmtly]

Thanks! And I'll have to see if my library has that book, it might help. At least then I'd get an idea of what I wanted to do. :)

[zevie]

Who's your audience? Not that you always have to write to them, but I think it's a good idea to know in this case. If you want it to be a really "easy to get" story, then make the switch obvious. If you want the reader to think a little (I vote for this one) then don't. (Maybe someone in the publishing/editing/bookstore running biz can clarify - lol, sorry, I don't know much about specifics or genres.) If it's really confusing then it'll put people off, but I find it nice to read something and wonder a little. A little mystery might draw people in more. I think underestimating your audience is a mistake a lot of writers make, self included.

[queenjaneapprxmtly]

Yeah, I want it to be something that makes people think a little bit more, but without the confusion. That's really great insight, too; thanks for sharing. :)

Sorry if I sound a little rushed; we're leaving for the Rib Fest soon so I don't have a lot of time to like ... elaborate on anything, lol. :)

[fairlane]

I've seen books that use both pov's and I thought it was effective. I wouldn't see any reason not to do it that way if that's how you think it works best.

[queenjaneapprxmtly]

I'm glad you all think it'll probably work. I was hoping it would. I'm going to try it out, whenever I can find a good place to start, and if it doesn't, I'll just try something else.

And, no, I haven't read that book. It sounds familiar, though; I may have heard of it. I'll check it out sometime, thanks. :)

[latch22]

Admittedly, I do actually like the idea. I just meant that you'll need to be careful. It could be confusing.

But I'm still going to read anything you write and decide to show, because you're cool like that. (And I'm secretly looking for evidence of the Play Time Pals.)

Cheers!

[queenjaneapprxmtly]

Oh, I know that. It'll be pretty easy to understand for the most part, at least POV wise.

Aw, thanks! ... And are you implying that I should include little tidbits about the Play Time Pals in In-Country? 'Cause that would be neat. And nobody would know what I meant, lol.

They would just be little things, of course. A knife here, a horn there ... ;)

[Keira]

I think it sounds like a fine idea - I've seen it done before, and it worked out well.

Another idea you might want to consider is doing two separate books - with Jack's story as a companion piece. Kind of like Enders Game and Enders Shadow. You could still write them at the same time, but make it two separate books. I think that'd be interesting, and less confusing. A publisher would probably be more prone to picking it up and giving it a chance (as they're sifting through thousands of potentials) if it's less confusing to the readers. Does that make any sense? I hope so.

Btw, I'm totally not a romance-genre person, but your story sounds absolutely amazing. I hope to be able to read it some day I like the girl-gets-in-trouble-and-runs-away thing. Whenever I venture to the library (which is far and few in between these days) those are the kind of books I tend to seek out. Haha.

[latch22]

Well, a while back, Miso and I snuck a manual called "What To Do In The Event Of A Zombie Invasion." It's in They Ruled The Night and Hold the Line (don't bother looking for it, though), and I think that she snuck it in somewhere, or else she planned to. It is a real guide that someone posted on FictionPress. (We didn't use any content, though, and the title is not mentioned--it's only referred to as "a strange book," so we would be the only people who knew.) Actually, I have a copy of that manual. It's pretty funny. I could never find it again--it may have been removed--and so I have no idea who wrote it, which is a shame.

So... yeah, little things like that.

If I see a suspicious horn in your stories, or a random knife, I'm calling Ted. He'll know what to do.

Who do you call?

You know who. Not Ghostbusters.

Cheers!

[queenjaneapprxmtly]

Keira -- thanks so much! I'm glad it sounds like a good plot; I wasn't sure how well it would go over, even with me because I'm still trying to map it out and get a feel for it because it's so new, but I'm glad that it sounds good. Thanks for the feedback, too. :)

x

Psh, Ted surpasses the Ghostbusters by about a million. You can call him for any type of problem ... especially ones including horns and knives. :p