|
Post by Tensleep on Jan 2, 2009 0:53:31 GMT -5
Welcome to 2009! Hopefully you all transitioned well and are ready to get back to writing! Me, I need another week or so just to sleep it off, but I'm on time for this one! So on with the show!
Rumble, January '09:
Auld Lang Syne
Some claim it's a sad song, but I'm sure we all have moments, events, or people we would happily like to forget. Something tells me the boys are no different. Write a piece (6 pgs max, any POV) about a time, place, person, etc. one or more of the boys would like to forget. I leave it up to you to fill in the rest - have fun with this! I look forward to seeing were this takes you.
Please copy, paste and post your entries under this thread so we can all enjoy them! I know there are some awesome imaginations on this forum. So get writing!
Tens
|
|
Two-Bitty
Teeny Bopper
"I've no interest in living for a thousand years. It's enough if I can live through today."
Posts: 109
|
Post by Two-Bitty on Jan 4, 2009 21:50:05 GMT -5
Since I missed last month's prompt, I'm going to be sure to get this one in. (Bad thing is that I had started, then finished at 1 AM '09, too late for the December Rumble... darn)
There are so many possibilities for this one...but I want to do something I haven't done before. Johnny, maybe? Haven't written a good Johnny fic in a long...scratch that. I haven't written a Johnny fic period (unless you count 300 words of slash between him and Ponyboy as a fic)
I WILL do this. RAAHH!
|
|
|
Post by Tensleep on Jan 5, 2009 3:31:21 GMT -5
Two-Bitty, you finished something for the December Rumble and aren't posting it?? Man, post it! Who cares if it's January? The December Rumble section will just be one of those odd ones that pops up until someone answers the January Rumble prompt. Seriously, I'm too laid back to say anything about it being a new month - or year, for that matter. Go for it!
|
|
|
Post by mweagle on Jan 10, 2009 15:36:46 GMT -5
|
|
Two-Bitty
Teeny Bopper
"I've no interest in living for a thousand years. It's enough if I can live through today."
Posts: 109
|
Post by Two-Bitty on Jan 10, 2009 17:25:58 GMT -5
I did it! I made the deadline this time! But it's kind of short...
The First Time
Every time he thought about it, he cringed. The hand was so cold, ruthless and hard; the leathery skin making a snapping sound against his soft flesh. From his lips escaped a whimper of defeat as he stepped back from the sheer force of the slap. Black hair fell over his wide brown eyes, wide from disbelief. As he thought back, he couldn’t remember what he did to deserve the hit. But he remembered the stench of the alcohol lacing his father’s breath. Behind the large man was his mother, arms crossed over her chest and eyes narrow. She made no move to stop him.
His father’s voice was ringing in a drunken rage, and he felt the tears pressing at his eyes. Where his father hit him was red and flaring in heat, blood filling the spot. His body began to quiver. His breath was heavy. Then his father grabbed his arm, shaking him and yelling in his face, the stench of the alcohol filling him, suffocating.
“You listen to me, boy!”
Now his mother stepped in, lightly touching her husband. The large man growled, turning towards his wife and bringing his hand up to hit her. It struck with the same sound as when he hit the boy, who shied back. She cringed too, taking a step back and glaring at him. Then she began to yell too.
Behind the boy was the door, and he looked at it, then back at his parents. With the opportunity in front of him, he took it and ran.
Within a few minutes, he came upon the Curtis house where his friends live and hang out. He considered just walking in, but stopped and rapped his fist on the door. Soon Mrs. Curtis opened the door with a smile, the stopped at the sight of the boy.
“Johnny,” she cooed, grabbing him into her loving grasp and ushering him inside. “Oh, baby, what happened?”
He touched his face, feeling the heat, then recoiled his hand. “Nothing. I’m okay. I just… need somewhere to stay for a while.”
“Of course, honey. You just take a seat and I’ll bring you something to eat.”
He sat and watched the older woman scurry into the kitchen where she shared a few words with Mr. Curtis. Soon, Mr. Curtis came out, followed closely by his son Sodapop, and walked up to him. He sat beside the boy, placing a hand on his back.
“Are you okay, son?” he asked, his voice soft and caring. Sodapop was looking at him, then he dashed off towards his brother’s rooms.
“Yeah,” he said, still quivering ever-so-slightly. Mr. Curtis noticed this and brought the young boy into his arms, where he buried his face into the older man’s chest. For once in a long time, he felt safe.
Sodapop and his brothers came up, and Mr. Curtis smiled, rubbing a hand on the boy’s back. Soon he got up, saying a small work to him and ruffling his hair, then walked back to the kitchen. The oldest boy, Darrel, took his father’s spot. Sodapop and Ponyboy took seats around them.
“Johnny, what happened?” Darrel asked. He was only fifteen, but still caring.
“My… parents were drunk and… my father hit me.”
Ponyboy looked wide-eyed at them, then jumped to his feet and ran to his parents. Sodapop glanced at his oldest brother, who looked surprised. “Are you okay?” Sodapop asked. The boy nodded.
“Just… surprised.”
Darrel rubbed the boy’s back. “Well, you did good coming here. We’ll take care of you, Johnnycake.”
“And if it ever happens again,” Sodapop began with a grin, “me and Stevie will go over there and teach them a lesson.” He playfully clenched his fists and punched the air, grinning. Mrs. Curtis walked out with a plate of food and a rag in her hand.
“Alright boys, stop smothering him. Go on,” she told them, and Darrel and Sodapop ran off.
She handed the boy the plate, then sat and began tending to his now forming bruise. “Don’t worry, baby. Everything will be okay. I’ll call your parents in the morning; you just stay here for the night.”
“Okay,” he accepted, nodding. “Thank you.”
Mrs. Curtis bent forward and kissed his forehead. “Anytime.”
|
|
|
Post by Tensleep on Jan 15, 2009 22:06:12 GMT -5
Two-Bitty, I think that was just great. Johnny is one of those characters you know has something in his past, present, and short lived future all to forget. I think that bringing in the rest of the gang and Mrs. Curtis into the mix was a good touch. Keep up with the great writing! I think it's awesome you manage to have something almost every month!
|
|
|
Post by samaryley on Jan 17, 2009 15:05:37 GMT -5
Somebody PM'd me on fb that the link I posted here wasn't working, (which is weird because it works fine on my computer, but, who gets what the heck their computer's personal problems are anyway, so I'll cut and paste here if it won't work for you.
"Just a Moment"
Darry's musings on hitting Ponyboy
It’s that moment that haunts me the most. For sure, I have a lot of regrets about that night, but it’s that one moment, that second- even less- that millisecond- that bothers me the most. It’s that time when you become aware of what is going to happen but, even though it hasn’t happened yet, you are powerless to stop it. The human body simply lacks the ability to physically react in that millisecond. It’s just not enough time. Unfortunately, it is not too short a time for our minds to process the horrible realization of what is going to happen, and how much we know we’ll regret it afterward.
It’s that moment, just after you have broken contact with the car door after setting it into motion to close, when you realize the keys are still inside, and the door is locked. The door hasn’t closed yet, and you know full well that you’ve gone and created a hell of a problem for yourself, but your brain just can’t get it’s ass in gear quick enough to tell your hand to get out there and catch the door. Truthfully, I think locking your keys in the car wouldn’t be nearly so bad if you didn’t have to deal with that moment of knowing that what you just did was stupid, but you are realizing it just a millisecond too late.
That was exactly how that moment went, the one I would erase right now if I could, so I wouldn't have to think about it anymore. My hand was raised, it was on its way down. I was going to hit Ponyboy. I knew it that millisecond before it happened, and I knew it was stupid, and I knew it wasn’t something that I wanted to do, but the message just couldn’t travel fast enough. I truly think this all might be easier if I didn't know that moment ever existed. Knowing there was that increment of time when I knew better and wanted to change my course of action, but my nervous system failed me; it's killing me. Maybe if I thought that, all along, I really did want to hit him, I might not have to feel so bad now. I might not be sitting here, devastated, wondering if my failure to excel physically in that one moment, to stop a predetermined bad course of action, has caused me to lose my brother, permanently.
The worst part of all is that nobody else knows that moment ever even existed, except me. Not Soda, and certainly not Ponyboy. They didn’t live through that moment, when every cell in my brain was screaming at it’s army of neurons to stop that hand from making contact, like a speeding train throwing on the brakes to avoid hitting an obstacle on the tracks. But it turned out, even with the brakes screeching, there just wasn’t enough track between my hand and Pony.
I can only imagine what it might mean to him, knowing that moment had existed, that the thought had been there to stop. I wish I could give it to him, like a present, wrap it up and offer it to him, knowing that he, of all people, would understand it’s implications. That moment, that one moment tells of so much more than my lack of adequate reaction speed. It says: “You are my brother and I love you. I knew I didn’t want to hit you, even if it wasn’t until the last possible second that one can know such things.” It says: “I wanted to stop it. I tried to stop it, desperately.”
I am sure Ponyboy doesn’t believe that moment ever existed. In his mind, I’m sure I'm the kind of guy who locks the keys in the car and never thinks about it until after it’s done, and wouldn’t bother to waste any time or energy on regret afterward. If he only knew.
Damn that moment. I miss him.
______________________
A/N: Short, but... sweet? I never rumbled before, so be nice, people.
I own nothing but the thought process here. Darry and Ponyboy: not mine. Review this Story/Chapter
|
|
|
Post by Nittanylizard on Jan 17, 2009 16:53:19 GMT -5
Okay, so this is weird - I read it after you posted the link, and I swear I reviewed. I even remember commenting on liking the analogy with the car door! But I just looked again to remind myself what I'd said, and there's no review there. Am I the only person this has happened to? Because this isn't the first time. *beats ffnet with a big stick* Okay, I'm good now ;D. Yes, I really liked it. You can really feel the depth of his guilt at that moment. I can see that kind of regret eating at him, but him not seeing the point in trying to explain his way out of it. Nice job. Liz
|
|
|
Post by Nittanylizard on Jan 17, 2009 17:10:23 GMT -5
Two-Bitty - I'm sorry, I missed your post before. I just figured out two days ago that the little gray circle on the left side of each board turns blue for posts I haven't opened yet. Yeah, I'm a bit slow, lol. I thought you picked a really good point in time for Johnny, and I liked how he went right to the Curtis house; also, the way he hung back for a moment first, like he wasn't quite sure about his decision. I just have a couple bits of concrit: "Within a few minutes, he came upon the Curtis house where his friends live and hang out." - You switched to present tense ("live and hang out"). ". . . then he dashed off towards his brother’s rooms." - Should be his brothers' rooms. And this one was more of an opinion thing - "He was only fifteen, but still caring." I wouldn't have expected a fifteen-year-old to necessarily be uncaring, so that line kind of stood out to me, as if it should be surprising that a boy his age would be showing empathy. Again, just my opinion, but I thought I should mention it. Nice job with the story, and like Tens said, it's very cool to have somebody posting for so many of the rumbles. I know I've been caught up in lots of stuff lately that's affected most of my writing time, so kudos on keeping on top of it. I'm trying to put one together for this month, as well. My personal goal for this year - write for as many consecutive rumble prompts as possible . Liz
|
|
|
Post by samaryley on Jan 17, 2009 18:53:08 GMT -5
Thank you, Ms. Liz. I am new here, just trying to become somewhat credible ;-) Seeing what is out there, it's no surprise that it's hard!
;-)
|
|
Two-Bitty
Teeny Bopper
"I've no interest in living for a thousand years. It's enough if I can live through today."
Posts: 109
|
Post by Two-Bitty on Jan 18, 2009 21:46:48 GMT -5
I always like to get something in for the Rumbles because they keep me thinking and going. I easily get writer's block so... they help me get out of ditches I put myself in.
I admit, I'm not perfect in my writing. I'm only in 9th grade, so I make mistakes. Sometimes I catch them, sometimes I don't.
And about the "He was only fifteen, but still caring." line; I figured most of the mid-teen greasers weren't the most caring people in the world, kind of the rebellious stage (as I call it; I'm in it). So... it was just something I probably didn't explain as much as I should have.
Thanks for the critique! I really appreciate it.
|
|
texaskid
Middle Classer
I'd put a pic here but I'm too lazy.
Posts: 59
|
Post by texaskid on Jan 28, 2009 17:13:46 GMT -5
alright here's mine. Just a fair warning it does have a few slight OC's in it hope you don't mind. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Look at me when I’m talking to you.” Dennis snapped.
“What do you want from me?” Christine asked.
“Let’s start with...is all of this really necessary?”
“One hundred percent. I’m leaving today Dennis and you can’t stop me.”
“Why Tina? Why must you do this to me, to our kids?”
The boy knew things had been getting bad between his parents for the past few years but he never thought his step-mom would pack up and leave. He looked down at his freshly turned nine year old sister and sighed. ‘Please don’t take her.’ He thought to himself. As his sister continued to sleep the almost 11 year old listened for his parents to stop.
“I don’t want to do this any more than you want me to Dennis, I really thought we could make this work and it did for six years, Lord knows someone would have to love you as much as I did to try but I can’t take it anymore. I have turned a blind eye to your antics for the past three years but it stops now. You can beat the crap out of your son as much as you please but I can only take so much when it comes to my little girl. Three years is far too much. When was the last time you’ve seen her smile? Huh answer me that Dennis.”
His father didn’t answer but the boy knew that no matter what when his mom left later his sister would be gone as well and his life was going to change big time.
“You can’t and I can’t. Every time you come home late roaring for your dinner she shutters, shakes, and prays that you won’t come after her. My little girl can now cry on cue because she knows that crying is the only way you won’t beat the crap out of her. Two days ago Eva Shepard said that every time our child hears the door slam she starts shaking and Eva wanted to know if everything was alright here. Tim Shepard god bless his soul has noticed the same thing. Do you know how embarrassing it is to have a 10 year old boy ask if everything is alright. Even her teacher from last year has asked me constantly if things are alright at home. I’m tired of living a lie, lying to people who care, and not seeing her smile is grating my nerves. She’s nine years old Dennis and I refuse to let you ruin her childhood any more. Sign these.” Christine said.
“What the hell are these?”
“Forms Dennis. The top says you’ll give me no hassle with the divorce, the second says you’ll give up all custody rights to her, and the last is a restraining order. Sign them Dennis. Don’t make me take you to court over this, you know I’ll win.”
“You really want this?” His father sounded defeated.
“I love you Dennis but I won’t jeopardize her safety because you can’t handle your brother leaving.”
“Fine. Where’s the pen?” It was silent for a bit and the boy figured his father had finally given in. His sister continued to sleep, but only too soon her blue eyes flickered open.
“Dally?”
“Go back to sleep T.” Dally answered.
“Bu Dally...”
“Hush or you’ll make Dad mad again.” T shut her mouth quick but Dally could tell she was frightened of the possibility. She shut her eyes as her parents began again.
“Where’s the boy’s name?”
“I don’t have legal right to him Dennis. She may have given me custody when she left but that doesn’t give me the right or the ability to take him from you and win in court.”
“You’re leaving him here?” Dennis asked astounded.
“Only because I’d lose in court. I’d have to prove you’re a right jerk and I can’t do that. If I knew that the judge would give me custody and it would stand firm so you couldn’t challenge it I’d take him in a heartbeat. It won’t and I can’t but I ask that you try not to hurt him too bad Dennis. He’s your only son don’t you want him to live?”
“...” Once again his father didn’t answer.
“I know deep down that you do and that you care for him. Since I can’t take him with me I’m going to take my little girl and leave.” Christine answered.
“Will I ever see her again?” Dennis asked.
“In nine years if she wishes it but if you come before then I will have you arrested.”
“Fine.” Dally crept across the hall to his sister’s room when his parents had finally settled for the most part. The room was almost completely bare. The only thing left was the furniture he bet his mom couldn’t fit in her car.
A little while later Christine came into his room and woke his little sister. “Hi Mommy, is Daddy home?”
“Not right now. He went out for a bit.” Even Dally could see the flicker of fear in T’s eyes. “Do you want some ice cream?” The young girl nodded. “Go wait for me in the kitchen.”
When the girl was gone Christine turned to Dally. He looked up at the only woman he ever considered a mom “You’re taking her.” He said.
“I don’t have a choice Dallas you know that.” Christine answered.
“You’re leaving me here.” Once again it was a statement and not a question.
“Once again I don’t have a choice. It’s legal stuff one day you’ll understand.”
“Please, don’t leave me here with him.” Dally begged.
“I’m sorry. You’re my strong little boy you can handle him. One day though I hope you’ll never have to...one day you’ll fight back and break free. You’re like a bull Dallas, slightly hard headed but could take whatever was thrown his way. Stay strong for me.”
“Yeah I guess.” Dally answered. Christine knelt in front of him and placed both her hands on his shoulders.
“One day I’m not gonna be able to protect her, promise me you’ll protect my baby girl.”
Dallas looked at his mom and although he didn’t want to he promised “Always.”
“Thank you. We’ll be leaving as soon as she finishes her ice cream.”
“You’re really leaving.”
“I’m sorry.” Half an hour later Dally was standing on the front porch as his father stood behind him in the doorway. His sister walked up to him and held out a stuffed dog.
“Keep him Dally. He’ll help you through I promise.” The girl said. Dally nodded and took the dog.
“Take care of yourself T, be careful.” Dally said.
“9:12 puddle jumping.” T whispered knowing Dally would know what it meant. Dally looked at the sky but didn’t answer.
“Come on honey we need to get going.” Christine called. T gave Dally her perfect smile and climbed into the front seat of the station wagon waving as their mom drove off. Dally lifted a hand but it was too late they were already gone.
Dennis gripped Dally’s arm and drug him inside before shoving him to the floor. “You little brat. I bet you told your mother so she’d leave me. Isn’t that right?” Dennis growled. No matter what Dallas did to refuse it he received the worst beating of his life. He only managed to escape by throwing a vase against a wall and then running out the back door to the Shepards’.
“Hey shut it up there.” A guy growled drawing Dally out of his thoughts.
“Bug off.” Dally answered.
“What are you moaning about?” His cell mate asked.
“The only night I wish I could forget.” Dallas answered remembering how a month ago he had been thrown in here. Only 12 years old and locked up for theft.
“Suck it up kid. We all have things we wish we could forget. It ain’t gonna happen. Now shut up before I make you.” The guy growled.
‘I hope one day I’ll be able to forget that day. The worst day of my life.’ Dally thought to himself.
|
|
Two-Bitty
Teeny Bopper
"I've no interest in living for a thousand years. It's enough if I can live through today."
Posts: 109
|
Post by Two-Bitty on Jan 29, 2009 19:26:09 GMT -5
I'm not the one who likes sister-fics, but this was pretty good, texaskid. I just have a couple of things to critique, hope you don't mind. Dallas was ten when he was put in jail, not twelve. Try referring back to the book for ages or other things, just to make sure. And grammar wise(and I don't have much room to talk), mostly it was good except a couple punctuation things. Example, "Tim Shepard god bless his soul has noticed the same thing." You could have added a couple of commas to clean it up. Make it, "Tim Shepard , god bless his soul , has noticed the same thing." Hope it helped.
|
|
texaskid
Middle Classer
I'd put a pic here but I'm too lazy.
Posts: 59
|
Post by texaskid on Jan 30, 2009 8:21:46 GMT -5
well thanks for the info Two-Bitty. It was helpful to an extent. I like yours as well. I'm sorry if it sounded like this was Dally's first night in jail. I do remember them saying something about him being in jail when he was ten. It wasn't his first time just one of the times when he was younger. I figured that by then he'd be on his way to becoming a hardened criminal. And the tip on grammar...yeah my little sister corrects me all the time.
But thanks though.
|
|